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Will a Collaborative Divorce Work For Us?

March 18, 2019 By Tanya Prioste, J.D.

contemplating couple

You may be asking yourself whether you and your spouse are good candidates for a Collaborative Divorce.  The following list of 7 attributes will help you determine whether you and your spouse are good candidates.  The more you either one or both of you match these qualities, the better suitable you may be for a Collaborative Divorce.

  1. Ability to see the viewpoint of your spouse.  Can you put yourself in their shoes?
  2. Ability to articulate goals, reflect on them and understand that they may not be achievable in full.  Drawing a line in the sand is an ineffective way to negotiate.  Knowing what’s important to you, and why, is critical.
  3. Ability to focus on the unfolding future despite current heavy emotional burdens, including anger, depression, resentment, grief, guilt, etc.  If this is not true for either of you right now, it may be that the passage of time will help.
  4. Ability to shift from feeling powerless toward being an active participant and problem solver.  This is about shifting focus from blaming the other person to taking responsibility for your part of both the problem and the solution.
  5. Ability to tolerate negative emotions, whether your own or your spouse’s.
  6. Willingness to develop and utilize coping skills to think clearly and modulate behavior or emotions during the Collaborative meetings.
  7. Ability to form solid connections with members of your Collaborative team as reflected in the ability to have frank discussions, process feedback, and make decisions and re-decisions.

Filed Under: Blog, Collaborative Divorce Tagged With: Collaborative, Divorce

About Tanya Prioste, J.D.

Tanya E. Prioste is a Certified Family Law Specialist by the State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization. She devotes her practice exclusively to family law. Tanya is a mediator, a Collaborative Divorce lawyer and supports clients in non-court divorce options.
Tanya's Profile | Tanya’s Website

What our clients are saying…

Anonymous Client

The trouble with the collaborative process is that nobody has heard of it.  All through my divorce, my friends kept telling me I needed to hire a stronger attorney, one who would fight for me and win.  Well… in the end, I do feel I won, big time.  I not only got a great settlement in terms of the money, I’m also sure we got the best results possible for our kids.  We’re never going to be that divorced couple who celebrate Christmas together.  But the kids know that we can and will come to their weddings and be good with each other, which might not have happened if we’d stayed married, and certainly wouldn’t have happened if we’d made the divorce into a war.  To me, that’s priceless.

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Using Collaborative Divorce in a High Conflict Divorce Case

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Can A Divorce Case Be Collaborative with A High Conflict Personality? The answer to that … [Read More...]

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