You may be asking yourself whether you and your spouse are good candidates for a Collaborative Divorce. The following list of 7 attributes will help you determine whether you and your spouse are good candidates. The more you either one or both of you match these qualities, the better suitable you may be for a Collaborative Divorce.
- Ability to see the viewpoint of your spouse. Can you put yourself in their shoes?
- Ability to articulate goals, reflect on them and understand that they may not be achievable in full. Drawing a line in the sand is an ineffective way to negotiate. Knowing what’s important to you, and why, is critical.
- Ability to focus on the unfolding future despite current heavy emotional burdens, including anger, depression, resentment, grief, guilt, etc. If this is not true for either of you right now, it may be that the passage of time will help.
- Ability to shift from feeling powerless toward being an active participant and problem solver. This is about shifting focus from blaming the other person to taking responsibility for your part of both the problem and the solution.
- Ability to tolerate negative emotions, whether your own or your spouse’s.
- Willingness to develop and utilize coping skills to think clearly and modulate behavior or emotions during the Collaborative meetings.
- Ability to form solid connections with members of your Collaborative team as reflected in the ability to have frank discussions, process feedback, and make decisions and re-decisions.