• What is Collaborative Divorce?
    ▼
    • What is Collaborative Divorce?
    • Why Use Collaborative Divorce?
    • About Collaborative Divorce California
    • For Collaborative Professionals
  • Divorce Options® Workshops
    ▼
    • About Divorce Options® Workshops
    • Find a Divorce Options® Workshop
  • Testimonials
  • FAQs
  • Blog
  • Find a Professional
    ▼
    • All Professionals
    • Attorneys
    • Financial Professionals
    • Mental Health Professionals
    • Practice Groups
    • For Collaborative Professionals
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Collaborative Divorce California

Options for Divorce in California

Collaborative Near Me

  • What is Collaborative Divorce?
    • What is Collaborative Divorce?
    • Why Use Collaborative Divorce?
    • About Collaborative Divorce California
    • For Collaborative Professionals
  • Divorce Options® Workshops
    • About Divorce Options® Workshops
    • Find a Divorce Options® Workshop
  • Testimonials
  • FAQs
  • Blog
  • Find a Professional
    • All Professionals
    • Attorneys
    • Financial Professionals
    • Mental Health Professionals
    • Practice Groups
    • For Collaborative Professionals
You are here: Home / Blog / What Is a Child Centered Divorce?

What Is a Child Centered Divorce?

December 31, 2021 By Ann Buscho, Ph.D.

When a divorcing couple has children, it is easy for the parents to get so caught up in their own negative emotions that they don’t focus on the needs of the children. As difficult as it might be, both parents need to set aside their own emotions and focus on the well-being of their children. An easy starting point is usually that most parents can agree that they love their children, even when they disagree about almost everything else. Parents need to focus on the things they agree on in their parenting plan, including a commitment to have a more child-centered divorce.

What Story Will Your Children Tell About the Divorce?

I always ask parents to tell me the story that they want their children to tell 10, 15, 20 years from now about their parents’ marriage and divorce. I tell them to think about their adult children sitting in a bar with their friends talking about families. What story do they want their kids to tell?

Child centered divorce
  • Do you want your kids to tell their friends that their parents could not speak to each other?
  • That their parents could not stand to be around each other?
  • That they could never both be at the same important childhood events?

Is that what you want your kids to say? Or do you want your kids to say their parents found a way to put the children first? That their parents found a way to have a child- centered divorce, one in which the parents carry the burden of the divorce, so their children did not have that burden.

Benefits of a Collaborative Divorce

In a Collaborative Divorce, as a divorce coach, I help the parents to not view the divorce as an adversarial process. Instead, we focus on the divorce as a way to restructure the family so there is peace and harmony in the restructured family and the children’s needs are put first.

Nesting Arrangements

To assist with this restructuring of the family, I wrote a book, “The Parent’s Guide to Birdnesting.” Nesting means the children stay in the home and the parents rotate on- and off-duty according to a schedule that works for the entire family. This means the children’s routines are not disrupted.

The main difference for the children is they have one parent at a time on a predictable and stable schedule. Parents get a break from their conflict, time for some self-care, and when they are “on-duty,” their focus is on the children.

Most people have difficulty creating a nesting arrangement without some guidance. My book provides step-by-step guidance on how to have a successful nesting arrangement. Although it does not work for everyone, the arrangement has worked very well for many, even with those parents who are in the middle of a very high conflict divorce. The key to successful nesting lies in clear, detailed, documented agreements.

The book can be purchased through any site that sells books online, like Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Simon & Shuster, for example. It can also be found in many libraries.

Link to book on these sites. 

https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Parents-Guide-to-Birdnesting/Ann-Gold-Buscho/9781507214091

https://bookshop.org/books/the-parent-s-guide-to-birdnesting-a-child-centered-solution-to-co-parenting-during-separation-and-divorce/9781507214091

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-parents-guide-to-birdnesting-ann-gold-buscho/1136314399?ean=9781507214091

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Child-Centered Divorce

About Ann Buscho, Ph.D.

Ann Buscho, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in family issues and issues related to divorce, parenting, parenting planning, and co-parenting counseling.
Ann's Profile | Ann's Website

What our clients are saying…

Anonymous Client

I told my lawyer at the beginning that he was going to have to talk for me in the meetings. I would get so choked up when my ex was in the room, I couldn’t speak. My lawyer was so great… he told me that he was not going to speak for me, but that he and my coach were going to help me speak for myself. Long story short, I found my voice. Yeah!

View Our Testimonials

Primary Sidebar

divorce Options Workshops

Divorce Options®

Workshops

Find a class
in your area

Meet Our Professionals

Lynne Verdone

Have you read?

Tips for Telling Your Kids that You Are Getting a Divorce

Divorce and tips for telling your kids

In Collaborative Divorce, we have the benefit of using a professional team.  The team includes … [Read More...]

Categories

  • Blog
    • Collaborative Divorce
    • Divorce Options<sup>®</sup>
    • Mediation
  • Popups

Footer

Collaborative Divorce California

Find a Professional Near You

Admin Offices

2872 Ygnacio Valley Road
#401
Walnut Creek, CA 94598
(925) 338-9550

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

For Collaborative Professionals

A Service of CPCal

Copyright © 2022 Collaborative Divorce California · All Rights Reserved

· · ·

Website Design by The Crouch Group

Log in