Divorce is filled with many losses: the loss of the life you knew, the future you imagined, and the stability you thought you had had. With a divorce you are exorcizing the old and harvesting the new. The question is, how can you healthfully manage the losses of the divorce and create a hopeful future? A Collaborative Divorce can give you the tools and support you need to get through the divorce with dignity and respect with a hopeful eye toward building the next chapter.
Here are some of the losses you may be experiencing in your divorce:
Relationship Divorce:
- Sexual/intimacy (real or perceived)
- Interdependency – task and roles
- Common history of courtship, experiences, family events, traumas, joys
- Relationship identity – spouse/partner
Loss of the projected future – economic, family, intimate relationship, routines, hopes
Social Divorce:
- Joint and family activities
- Memberships – social groups, organizations, committees
- Church memberships and activities
- Friendship groups and activities – happy hours with spouses’ workmates
- Neighborhood connections
- Loss of friendships or change in friendship status
Family Divorce:
- Membership with in-laws
- At times, membership in your own family, status in your family
Physical Divorce:
- Home – ownership, neighborhood, familiar surroundings
- Personal property – things big and small, mementos, objects with meaning such as wedding gifts
- Environment and routines of home
Economic Divorce:
- Change in assets
- Future financial plans – retirement, inheritance sharing
- Plans for travel
- Vacation homes
- Soft currency earner into hard currency worker
- Change in economic status
- Legal financial commitments – maintenance and child support payments that impact financial futures
Identity Divorce:
- Downsizing of responsibilities such as a stay-at-home parent now having to share parenting
- Individual loss of form and structure
- Meaning
Allow a Collaborative Divorce to help you deal with these losses and work to build a new future.
With credit given to Anne Robinson Lucas, MA, LMEHC; Kirkland, Washington
