At this point you’ve seen all the quotes about healthy communication being the cornerstone of any long-lasting relationship. If you’re reading this, chances are you and your soon to be ex haven’t been communicating well for quite some time now. In today’s blog entry, I’m sharing some handy communication skills that will help improve the communication between you and your spouse even during your … [Read more...] about 5 Tips for Communicating During a Divorce
The good news is that a Collaborative Divorce allows you to be creative in determining what financial arrangements would work for your family, including child support and spousal support. But if you are interested in learning about the default child support and spousal support laws in the State of California, this article will give you an … [Read more...] about How is Child Support and Spousal Support Determined in California?
Filing for divorce is a stressful time. You are putting everything on the line to separate from someone and start a new life. The mere thought of change can paralyze even the bravest among us. Change represents a loss of something familiar and an introduction to something new. You may find yourself fearful of the uncertainty in moving ahead. You are not … [Read more...] about Divorce: Fear and Change
Couples going through a divorce generally already have a problem communicating. Those problems often get worse during this time with the upheaval of their lives and the change in the family structure. It is common to find that a couple’s main mode of communication with one another results in one of them getting angry and the other one giving their partner the silent treatment. This is then … [Read more...] about Communicating with Your Spouse During the Divorce Process
There is no way to keep your divorce from having an impact on your children. All research shows that divorce is hard for them. However, the level of conflict they experience during and after the divorce period is the greatest indicator of the immediate impact on them and to their later successes in life. This includes their future socialization, their future … [Read more...] about Understanding How Divorce Impacts Children
The phrase “in these difficult times” has become a cliché in the months since the Coronavirus or Covid-19 virus changed the world. So much has been put on hold – even the courts have been closed -- you may have assumed you won’t be able to start divorce proceedings. Even after the courts re-open, you may prefer to continue social distancing as much as you can until there is a vaccine or treatment. … [Read more...] about Can You Get A Collaborative Divorce During the Coronavirus Crisis?
Can A Divorce Case Be Collaborative with A High Conflict Personality? The answer to that question is, “Yes,” but first, before we talk more about that “Yes,” we should talk about what a High Conflict Personality is. The High Conflict Personality (HCP) is a term that was first defined by Bill Eddy, founder if the High Conflict institute. A high conflict personality is … [Read more...] about Using Collaborative Divorce in a High Conflict Divorce Case
How you first discuss the issue can set the stage for how the divorce will proceed. Be clear about your goals and what discussion you want to have. Is it: I am feeling that things are so bad; we need to talk about a divorce if we can’t fix it. (possible outcomes include therapy, change, continued conflict, divorce).I want to talk about a divorce (put the possibility on the table, how do … [Read more...] about How Do I Tell My Partner I Want a Divorce?
The pandemic of COVID-19 has swept us up and dramatically changed the way we live in just a matter of weeks. Our existence has become restricted, regulated, and different than we’ve ever known. We have all become isolated in our own homes. The freedom to come and go as we wish has been greatly altered. We cannot go to restaurants, to our offices and work sites, and to many public places. We … [Read more...] about Does COVID-19 Pandemic Cause Divorce?
Many people wrongly assume that their divorce is confidential. Did you know that all documents filed with the court are part of the public record? Clients are often surprised to learn that everything housed in the court's records is accessible to anyone. This means anyone can go to the courthouse, pull your file, and photocopy or photograph any of the court documents. What Kind of … [Read more...] about Can A Divorce Be Confidential?
How to manage COVID-19 stress on top of divorce stress Perhaps you have decided to divorce or are in the initial stages of separation. Or perhaps you have already separated, and you and your ex are sharing time with your children. Suddenly, you are blindsided by the pandemic. On top of all the stress of the divorce, now we have the stress of the quarantine. What should … [Read more...] about Caught by the Coronavirus Crisis During Your Divorce?
You may want to think twice before you use a smart phone as a recording device during a divorce. In today’s world we are surrounded by smart phones and tablets with advanced recording capabilities. This makes it easier than ever to record conversations without anyone noticing. But you might want to think twice before you hit record, because in California recording another party without their … [Read more...] about Recording Devices and Divorce: Why you might want to put down the phone
When people divorce, how to deal with money and taxes can be two of the most contentious topics of discussion. One of the advantages of the Collaborative Divorce process is the opportunity to work with a neutral financial professional who helps spouses look at the financial big picture as they work to reach agreement. Couples want to know how to allocate the … [Read more...] about What Do You Need to Know About Divorce, Money and Taxes?
In a traditional divorce, parents are often battling between themselves about how to take care of the children, both financially and emotionally, when the family is no longer living together in one household. One of our goals with our clients is to assist them with a post-divorce budget that is related to the children in ways that decreases the contention in a divorce and puts the … [Read more...] about Children, Divorce and Money
According to an article in the New York Times from January 4, 2020, many lawyers see in increase in divorce filings in January after the holidays. Filing for divorce in a new year may be one of those New Year’s resolutions. “That will be the last time I suffer through another New Year’s Eve with [fill in the blank]!” According to the article, people “tend to face the … [Read more...] about Is January the Most Common Month for Couples to Split Up?
Often married adults include as one of their New Year’s resolutions that they are going to “start a new life” by filing for divorce. For this reason, there is an increase in divorce filings in January. This is why January is National Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month. When parents file for divorce, how does it affect their children? It depends. For decades, the research about children and … [Read more...] about Children the Wealth of Family
Divorce is never easy on anyone but can be especially difficult for children involved. To allow the process and transition to be as smooth as possible for children, using the framework of a Child-Centered Divorce can provide the best results. In a Child-Center Divorce, the divorce process is focused on the best situation and circumstances for … [Read more...] about Child-Centered Divorce: How to Focus On the Children’s Needs
Dividing property incident to divorce is not just putting your assets into one pile for each spouse. You also must divide the debt that the community has accumulated during the course of your marriage. In California, community property includes all assets and liabilities incurred from the date you married until the date you separated other than separate property that was given by gift … [Read more...] about Dealing with Debt during Divorce
Marriage Story is an Academy Award nominated movie produced by Netflix about the marriage and divorce of a young couple. Scarlett Johansson plays Nicole and Adam Driver plays Charlie, the parents of Henry, who are navigating the difficult waters of the end of their marriage. The movie is a remarkable and compassionate representation of a couple who still has love for each other but … [Read more...] about Avoid the divorce in “Marriage Story” with a Collaborative Divorce
Can I keep my current spouses’ insurance, what is this going to cost me and can I be denied? Weekly I receive emails from clients across CA regarding options for Health Insurance. Fortunately, with the ACA – The Affordable Care Act under the Obama Administration, everyone Qualifies for coverage regardless of their previous or current health condition. Prior to this Act, 85% … [Read more...] about Will I Lose My Health Insurance When I’m Divorced in California?
You have decided to divorce. How to do it? Go to a Divorce Options class and find out how it all works. You can get a good sense of which process to use by attending this class where all of the options are reviewed. In SF and other counties, it’s inexpensive, and in some counties it’s free. Get support from family and friends for yourself and your children, and maybe even for … [Read more...] about Addiction and Divorce- Part 2
Considering divorce with an addicted partner? According to National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, Approx. 16 million Americans have Alcohol Use Disorder. Adding drugs and behavioral addictions to this number, it is not surprising that a lot of divorces include concerns about one or both parties’ substance use. Is this really addiction? Do I have the … [Read more...] about Addiction and Divorce- Part 1
Stephen Covey’s seminal book on productivity and personal transformation, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, has a lot to teach us in how to be effective at moving through divorce. Here is an introduction: Habit 1 – Be Proactive. Take responsibility for your own experience. Do not place responsibility for your experience in the hands of your spouse or the attorneys (or, God … [Read more...] about The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Clients in Divorce
One of the most common questions I get asked is, “What will the divorce cost?” I believe that it is one of the most important discussions everyone should have with their attorney and spouse. Getting educated on what type of budget needs to be established for the family that is going through a divorce must be completed. The budget will be driven by what process you and your spouse … [Read more...] about What will my Divorce cost?
Getting good financial advice as part of your divorce process can be one of the most important decisions you make. During this highly emotional time you are making some of the most important financial decisions of your life. High emotions and important financial decisions, a good match??? Not usually. So who do I trust? It depends, but a simple answer is a professional trained in both … [Read more...] about Alphabet Soup of Getting Professional Help with Your Divorce Finances
Is an amicable divorce possible? If so, how is it done? Many want to have an amicable divorce but worry about how to talk about financial concerns, how to file for divorce and how to parent children without starting World War III. Couples are used to arguing about finances and often feel they get stuck in unproductive arguments and that they can’t communicate. Here are … [Read more...] about Five Things you Need for an Amicable Divorce
What is the story of your marriage and divorce? When speaking with your friends or family, what is the story you tell of your relationship? Are you talking mainly about the arguments or misdeeds, betrayals, disappointments, and losses? Do you focus on the negative experiences and overlook or even deny the positive experiences? Is it possible that you are defending yourself from your own … [Read more...] about Must We Say We Did Not Love? Honor the relationship that ended through a new story and rituals.
Collaborative Divorce: Here’s how a Divorce Coach can help: Dealing with a divorce is often more distressing than people realize, and, there is a process to meet your needs, and the needs of your family; Collaborative Divorce offers clients wrap around services for all phases and stages of the divorce process. With Collaborative Divorce, not only does each spouse have an attorney, each spouse … [Read more...] about How Can A Divorce Coach Help In Your Collaborative Divorce?
How can I be getting divorced after working so hard for marriage equity? You worked for and celebrated joyfully when marriage became legal. It was so emotional. You finally married your love. Now you’ve tried hard, but you are unable to happily stay together. Are you betraying the community? As a therapist, a mediator and a coach in collaborative divorce I have worked with … [Read more...] about The Emotions of an LGBTQ Divorce
What is Disclosure? If you get divorced in California you have to Disclose…period, end of story. What does that mean and is anything different in a Collaborative Divorce? “Disclosure” refers to financial disclosures. What do we have, own, owe and make. It’s an inventory of everything you own (assets), everything you owe (debts), and all of the income for both spouses. … [Read more...] about Financial Disclosures in Collaborative Divorce
Divorce is hard enough for every couple. Knowing what's the same for gay and lesbian couples, and what is different is a key to a good resolution. The good news-- the answers are knowable, and as in most areas, knowledge is power and promotes positive outcomes for all involved. Collaborative Practice (CP) and other consensual resolution processes like mediation allow both spouses … [Read more...] about 5 Ways Divorce in California is Different for Gay and Lesbian Couples
There are no easy do-overs in divorce. The courts do allow revisiting child support and spousal support in some situations, but wouldn't it be better to do it right the first time? In most couples, one member is more familiar with the finances than the other. This is perfectly normal, but in divorce, both people need to understand the finances to properly divide and manage their money in the … [Read more...] about Avoiding Common Money Mistakes in Your Divorce
You may be asking yourself whether you and your spouse are good candidates for a Collaborative Divorce. The following list of 7 attributes will help you determine whether you and your spouse are good candidates. The more you either one or both of you match these qualities, the better suitable you may be for a Collaborative Divorce. Ability to see the viewpoint of your spouse. Can you put … [Read more...] about Will a Collaborative Divorce Work For Us?
One of our Collaborative Divorce Marin County Professionals recently published an article in Psychology Today. A new approach can improve post-divorce life for the whole family. I want to tell you something important: I know what a bad divorce can be like for a child. My parents continued their warfare for 45 years, until Mom was no longer alive. My 95-year-old dad referred to my mom as … [Read more...] about Is it Possible to Have a “Better Divorce?”
What are the Benefits? What are the Challenges? Thinking about divorce? Know your divorce options. Using the divorce mediation process option provides couples with tools to settle their differences rather than fighting in a court of law. Divorce mediation is facilitated by one or more neutral mediators who help define the issues, encourage out-of-the-box thinking, guide the information … [Read more...] about Divorce Mediation
The anger and other emotions that are usually a part of divorce make it pretty hard to be respectful—Can the Collaborative Divorce Process enable the parties to find some level of respect for each other? There are many metaphors people use to describe going through a divorce–one is the “leaver” and the other is the “leavee;” one is the windshield and the other is the bug; one is the bat … [Read more...] about Does Respect Have a Place in a Divorce?
If you ask any adult how their parents’ divorce affected them as children, you’ll get a sad story, even if it has been many years. It is difficult for children of all ages when their family changes. Occasionally, when the level of conflict has been high, the divorce can come as a relief. More often, though, divorce is experienced by children as extremely stressful, with lots of powerful … [Read more...] about How Does Divorce Impact Children?
The Role of Myths in Assessing Readiness for Collaboration Myth #1: Because there is no Judge in the room to hold the client's accountable, there is a myth that one client can take advantage of the other. Truth: Despite not having a Judge, there are multiple professionals in the room and the primary focus of all of them is accountability. Each party has their own team, including their own … [Read more...] about Unbundling Collaborative Divorce Myths
Divorce is hard, and it is one of the most painful times in anyone’s life. Fear about the future will tend to put your dreams and plans on hold. -That fear though can be reduced if you take control of your divorce by learning more about your divorce options.- A Divorce Options Workshop is one of the best ways to begin learning what you don’t know about divorce and to help you decide … [Read more...] about Divorce: Raises So Many Questions