Going through a divorce is stressful in many ways. One of the most common stressors in a divorce is financial fear. Both spouses have worries or fears about what the financial future holds for them. Common financial questions each divorcing spouse asks themselves, their attorneys, and financial professionals are: What am I going to walk away with?What am I going to have after the … [Read more...] about Common Financial Fears in Divorce
There is no denying it. Children have a difficult time accepting the fact that their parents are getting a divorce. It is possible to help them through it, so it is less traumatizing. How this works depends on the parents themselves. How Do We Tell the Kids About the Divorce? The # 1 rule is that the parents need to be together when they tell the children about the divorce. You need to set … [Read more...] about Divorce: What and How to Tell the Children
If you inherited property, money, stocks or other assets either before your marriage or during it, the inheritance, whether cash, real estate, family heirloom, or anything at all, is your separate property. If you kept the asset separate, for example, put the inherited money in a separate bank account belonging only to you, it remains your separate property and is not divided with your spouse in … [Read more...] about Dividing Inherited Assets in a Divorce
No matter how polite and civil a couple is to each other during a separation, the divorce proceedings can still have a negative impact on the children. If there is domestic violence involved, and the children have witnessed it, or even witnessed their parents arguing with each other, children naturally become anxious and are concerned about their own welfare. Questions Children Have When … [Read more...] about How Does Divorce Conflict Impact Children?
The day parents talk to their children about their separation will be a day pressed into the memory of most kids. Most remember vividly where they were in the room, the words that were used, and who was present. That’s why it’s really important to think hard about what you’re going to tell them and when you’re going to tell them. Here are some tips for how to tell your children that you are … [Read more...] about Who, When, What: 3 Tips for Telling Children About Divorce
It can be a tricky process to begin your new beginning. Here’s the advice to follow after your divorce is finalized. Start at the End: Finish Your Estate Planning If you haven’t started your estate planning, now is the time to begin. Especially if you have children, consider who you want things left to and which things to leave. Be sure to think in the long term: who do you want to be … [Read more...] about Your Divorce Is Over Now What?
The word "coach" has many meanings. Collaborative Divorce Coaches differ significantly from the "certified divorce coaches" who have proliferated in the past ten years. Collaborative Divorce Coaches work as part of a professional team in a voluntary divorce process called Collaborative Divorce, where a team of professionals helps you co-create your agreements respectfully without the … [Read more...] about How Can a Divorce Coach Help You During Your Separation and Divorce?
Unfortunately, when a couple goes through the divorce process, emotions run high and are often the driving force for running up the costs. Traditional litigation is notorious for taking a long time and being quite expensive. A Collaborative Divorce is less stressful and less costly. Costs of Traditional Litigation In traditional litigation, each spouse has their own private attorney. … [Read more...] about Why Does Divorce Cost So Much?
Now that you have told your spouse you want a divorce, there are some things you should and should not do. There are laws you must follow to avoid getting into troubling situations down the line as the divorce progresses. There are also some positive steps you should be aware of and to follow these steps accordingly. What to Do After You Have Told Your Spouse You Want a Divorce Get … [Read more...] about I Told My Spouse I Want a Divorce – Now What?
When divorcing couples are discussing spousal support in California, they need to be aware of the tax implications of their divorce. Federal laws enacted by congress and enforced by the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) are different than laws enforced by the California Franchise Tax Board (FTB). Spousal Support and Taxes IRS rules. Under federal law, a person paying spousal support may not … [Read more...] about Tax Issues in a California Divorce
When a divorcing couple owns a family business, it complicates the parties’ financial settlement. Generally, the business will be awarded to one of the spouses and how it is valued and divided depends on the type of business that is involved. When One Spouse is a Licensed Professional and Owner of the Business When one of the spouses is a licensed professional, like a doctor, attorney, … [Read more...] about Divorce and The Family Business
The first holiday season after a separation or divorce can be difficult and challenging. Powerful memories can be stirred up about the advantages of the traditional two-parent household. It can also be a time for creativity by establishing new traditions for your household and getting the kids involved. Keeping the Status Quo: If you and the other parent want to attend holiday celebrations … [Read more...] about Celebrating The Holidays After Divorce With 5 Parenting Tips For Sanity
The cost of your divorce case and how long it takes are mostly in the hands of you and your spouse. The cost and length of your case are dependent on the three Cs: ConflictCooperationComplexity Conflict. Definition: a serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one. The more conflict, the longer and more expensive your case will be. It’s not about … [Read more...] about How Expensive Will My Divorce Be and How Long Will It Take?
Divorce can be a messy process. Both sides can end up saying and/or doing things they later wish they hadn’t. To Divorce with Respect means handling your divorce in a way that “if your children were in the room”, you would not have regrets. Being your “best self” enables you to treat your spouse and yourself during the divorce that creates the fertile ground for you … [Read more...] about Divorce with Respect – What a Concept!
Taking care of yourself during the divorce process is extremely important. People going through a divorce benefit from remaining positive, but this can be difficult to do when the most common emotions around this transition are fear, grief, and anger. Here are three self care tips to make the divorce process easier. 1) Go to Counseling People going through a divorce should consider … [Read more...] about 3 Tips for Self-Care During Divorce
Many people hear the term “fiduciary duty” and think it only applies to business relationships. In fact, divorcing spouses owe a fiduciary duty to each other. This means they must deal with each other fairly in the division of their assets, even when the assets include cryptocurrency. The Meaning of “Fiduciary Duty” in a Divorce The law imposes a strict fiduciary responsibility upon … [Read more...] about Cryptocurrency, Divorce and Fiduciary Duty
Research has shown that out of 49 life events, divorce is the second most stressful experience of a person’s life. The only thing more stressful is the death of a spouse. Getting the right support while in the divorce process is crucial to a person’s mental health and the ability to make good decisions. Help from a Licensed Mental Health Professional Going through the divorce process can be … [Read more...] about Managing Mental Health During Divorce
Divorce brings up all sorts of difficult and emotional issues. Parents who are going through a divorce need to be sure that they are guiding their children through the divorce in a way that is appropriate to their age. Here are six mistakes that parents often make during a divorce. 1. Not Giving Children a Blame-Free Narrative Children are very self-oriented, especially at younger ages. … [Read more...] about Six Common Parenting Mistakes in Divorce
The decision to divorce is a life-changing one and should not be entered into blithely. After you decide, take time to prepare how you will tell your spouse, which includes what you are going to say, when, and where. Meeting with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to discuss, plan, and rehearse the particulars can help you feel prepared. Consulting with family lawyers, financial … [Read more...] about How To Ask For a Divorce Peacefully
A major question when parents’ divorce is how to best provide for theinterests of their children. A parenting plan answers that question and gives parents a structure to work with as they learn the co-parenting skills that will reduce conflict between them and provide their children the stability they need. What is a Co-Parenting Plan? A co-parenting plan is a written document that memorializes … [Read more...] about Divorce, Kids and Co-Parenting
Divorce is filled with many losses: the loss of the life you knew, the future you imagined, and the stability you thought you had had. With a divorce you are exorcizing the old and harvesting the new. The question is, how can you healthfully manage the losses of the divorce and create a hopeful future? A Collaborative Divorce can give you the tools and support you need … [Read more...] about The Many Losses of a Divorce
The following tips will help you prepare to talk with your children about your separation and divorce. You care about doing the best you can for your children because you are reading this article. Give yourself permission not to be perfect. No one is. This is a stressful time for all of you. Remember to keep taking slow, deep breaths --- you and your children will get through this difficult … [Read more...] about 13 Tips for Talking with Your Children About Your Separation and Divorce
There is no getting around the fact that divorce is a highly emotional process that people respond to in a variety of ways. Some adapt to the stress and changes in their life by taking care of themselves the best they can. Others look for ways to escape the emotional pain and anger through addictions like drugs, food, or work. Slow Down, Observe Your Emotions Couples do not need to start the … [Read more...] about Emotions in Divorce
Divorce can be difficult no matter the circumstances. What you may not know is how much of your personal matter and financial information becomes public, available to any and everyone who can get to the courthouse or use a computer. This includes your children, co-workers, and friends. Many times, it can be difficult to know what can stay private and what will be made public. In my latest blog, I … [Read more...] about Divorce: Private or Public?
One of the first questions clients ask is, “How much is this divorce going to cost?” There is no easy answer to that question. Each divorce is different. Each family has different needs and topics to discuss, making it almost impossible to accurately give an estimate of costs. However, a divorce where the couple can come to their own settlement agreement (without a lot of bickering and … [Read more...] about Divorce: How Much Will It Cost?
In the last twelve months, with the pandemic impacting many families’ financial bottom line, I have had more people concerned about the financial impact of a divorce or separation. The financial strain of job loss or impact illnesses has had on families is evident. The pandemic has created financial chaos for many people. Families that have been used to having their finances run … [Read more...] about Options for Understanding the Finances When Getting Divorced
There is new co- parenting issue looming during Corona Virus Pandemic. Do parents agree when and if they vaccinate themselves [parents] and vaccinate the children? The pandemic has already presented some very challenging parenting decisions for families parenting in two households. Parents have had to navigate: The ‘lock downs’,Juggling work and home through school openings and closings,To … [Read more...] about VACCINES – THE NEXT PARENTING CHALLENGE
January is Child Centered Divorce Awareness Month, so it is the ideal time to discuss how to tell your kids that you are getting a divorce. This is always a difficult thing to do but we have some recommendations to help you through this. Both Parents Should Meet Together with the Children Unless there are issues of domestic violence or child abuse, both parents should meet together with the … [Read more...] about Divorce: How Do I Tell My Kids?
Most people do not get married with the expectation that they will someday get divorced. A marriage contains emotional, financial, legal, physical, familial parts and for some also a religious or spiritual aspect. All these elements change in a divorce and it can be an overwhelming process. One of the best options for managing the divorce is to use the Collaborative Divorce process. In a … [Read more...] about How To Survive Your Divorce
At this point you’ve seen all the quotes about healthy communication being the cornerstone of any long-lasting relationship. If you’re reading this, chances are you and your soon to be ex haven’t been communicating well for quite some time now. In today’s blog entry, I’m sharing some handy communication skills that will help improve the communication between you and your spouse even during your … [Read more...] about 5 Tips for Communicating During a Divorce
The good news is that a Collaborative Divorce allows you to be creative in determining what financial arrangements would work for your family, including child support and spousal support. But if you are interested in learning about the default child support and spousal support laws in the State of California, this article will give you an overview. Child … [Read more...] about How is Child Support and Spousal Support Determined in California?
Filing for divorce is a stressful time. You are putting everything on the line to separate from someone and start a new life. The mere thought of change can paralyze even the bravest among us. Change represents a loss of something familiar and an introduction to something new. You may find yourself fearful of the uncertainty in moving ahead. You are not immune from fear just … [Read more...] about Divorce: Fear and Change
Couples going through a divorce generally already have a problem communicating. Those problems often get worse during this time with the upheaval of their lives and the change in the family structure. It is common to find that a couple’s main mode of communication with one another results in one of them getting angry and the other one giving their partner the silent treatment. This is then … [Read more...] about Communicating with Your Spouse During the Divorce Process
There is no way to keep your divorce from having an impact on your children. All research shows that divorce is hard for them. However, the level of conflict they experience during and after the divorce period is the greatest indicator of the immediate impact on them and to their later successes in life. This includes their future socialization, their future achievements in school, careers, and … [Read more...] about Understanding How Divorce Impacts Children
The phrase “in these difficult times” has become a cliché in the months since the Coronavirus or Covid-19 virus changed the world. So much has been put on hold – even the courts have been closed -- you may have assumed you won’t be able to start divorce proceedings. Even after the courts re-open, you may prefer to continue social distancing as much as you can until there is a vaccine or treatment. … [Read more...] about Can You Get A Collaborative Divorce During the Coronavirus Crisis?
Can A Divorce Case Be Collaborative with A High Conflict Personality? The answer to that question is, “Yes,” but first, before we talk more about that “Yes,” we should talk about what a High Conflict Personality is. The High Conflict Personality (HCP) is a term that was first defined by Bill Eddy, founder if the High Conflict institute. A high conflict personality is someone that … [Read more...] about Using Collaborative Divorce in a High Conflict Divorce Case
How you first discuss the issue can set the stage for how the divorce will proceed. Be clear about your goals and what discussion you want to have. Is it: I am feeling that things are so bad;we need to talk about a divorce if we can’t fix it. (possible outcomes include therapy, change, continued conflict, divorce).I want to talk about a divorce (put the possibility on the table, how do they … [Read more...] about How Do I Tell My Partner I Want a Divorce?
The pandemic of COVID-19 has swept us up and dramatically changed the way we live in just a matter of weeks. Our existence has become restricted, regulated, and different than we’ve ever known. We have all become isolated in our own homes. The freedom to come and go as we wish has been greatly altered. We cannot go to restaurants, to our offices and work sites, and to many public places. We … [Read more...] about Does COVID-19 Pandemic Cause Divorce?
Many people wrongly assume that their divorce is confidential. Did you know that all documents filed with the court are part of the public record? Clients are often surprised to learn that everything housed in the court's records is accessible to anyone. This means anyone can go to the courthouse, pull your file, and photocopy or photograph any of the court documents. What Kind of Documents are … [Read more...] about Can A Divorce Be Confidential?
How to manage COVID-19 stress on top of divorce stress Perhaps you have decided to divorce or are in the initial stages of separation. Or perhaps you have already separated, and you and your ex are sharing time with your children. Suddenly, you are blindsided by the pandemic. On top of all the stress of the divorce, now we have the stress of the quarantine. What should you expect and what … [Read more...] about Caught by the Coronavirus Crisis During Your Divorce?
You may want to think twice before you use a smart phone as a recording device during a divorce. In today’s world we are surrounded by smart phones and tablets with advanced recording capabilities. This makes it easier than ever to record conversations without anyone noticing. But you might want to think twice before you hit record, because in California recording another party without their … [Read more...] about Recording Devices and Divorce: Why you might want to put down the phone
When people divorce, how to deal with money and taxes can be two of the most contentious topics of discussion. One of the advantages of the Collaborative Divorce process is the opportunity to work with a neutral financial professional who helps spouses look at the financial big picture as they work to reach agreement. Couples want to know how to allocate the family finances in a way that … [Read more...] about What Do You Need to Know About Divorce, Money and Taxes?
In a traditional divorce, parents are often battling between themselves about how to take care of the children, both financially and emotionally, when the family is no longer living together in one household. One of our goals with our clients is to assist them with a post-divorce budget that is related to the children in ways that decreases the contention in a divorce and puts the focus on the … [Read more...] about Children, Divorce and Money
According to an article in the New York Times from January 4, 2020, many lawyers see in increase in divorce filings in January after the holidays. Filing for divorce in a new year may be one of those New Year’s resolutions. “That will be the last time I suffer through another New Year’s Eve with [fill in the blank]!” According to the article, people “tend to face the holidays with … [Read more...] about Is January the Most Common Month for Couples to Split Up?
Often married adults include as one of their New Year’s resolutions that they are going to “start a new life” by filing for divorce. For this reason, there is an increase in divorce filings in January. This is why January is National Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month. When parents file for divorce, how does it affect their children? It depends. For decades, the research about children and … [Read more...] about Children the Wealth of Family
Divorce is never easy on anyone but can be especially difficult for children involved. To allow the process and transition to be as smooth as possible for children, using the framework of a Child-Centered Divorce can provide the best results. In a Child-Center Divorce, the divorce process is focused on the best situation and circumstances for the couple’s children while leaving the anger and other … [Read more...] about Child-Centered Divorce: How to Focus On the Children’s Needs
Dividing property incident to divorce is not just putting your assets into one pile for each spouse. You also must divide the debt that the community has accumulated during the course of your marriage. In California, community property includes all assets and liabilities incurred from the date you married until the date you separated other than separate property that was given by gift … [Read more...] about Dealing with Debt during Divorce
Marriage Story is an Academy Award nominated movie produced by Netflix about the marriage and divorce of a young couple. Scarlett Johansson plays Nicole and Adam Driver plays Charlie, the parents of Henry, who are navigating the difficult waters of the end of their marriage. The movie is a remarkable and compassionate representation of a couple who still has love for each other but … [Read more...] about Avoid the divorce in “Marriage Story” with a Collaborative Divorce
Can I keep my current spouses’ insurance, what is this going to cost me and can I be denied? Weekly I receive emails from clients across CA regarding options for Health Insurance. Fortunately, with the ACA – The Affordable Care Act under the Obama Administration, everyone Qualifies for coverage regardless of their previous or current health condition. Prior to this Act, 85% of my … [Read more...] about Will I Lose My Health Insurance When I’m Divorced in California?
You have decided to divorce. How to do it? Go to a Divorce Options® class and find out how it all works. You can get a good sense of which process to use by attending this class where all of the options are reviewed. In SF and other counties, it’s inexpensive, and in some counties it’s free. Get support from family and friends for yourself and your children, and maybe even for … [Read more...] about Addiction and Divorce – Part 2
Considering divorce with an addicted partner? According to National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, Approx. 16 million Americans have Alcohol Use Disorder. Adding drugs and behavioral addictions to this number, it is not surprising that a lot of divorces include concerns about one or both parties’ substance use. Is this really addiction? Do I have the right to say … [Read more...] about Addiction and Divorce – Part 1
Stephen Covey’s seminal book on productivity and personal transformation, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, has a lot to teach us in how to be effective at moving through divorce. Here is an introduction: Habit 1 – Be Proactive. Take responsibility for your own experience. Do not place responsibility for your experience in the hands of your spouse or the attorneys (or, God … [Read more...] about The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Clients in Divorce
One of the most common questions I get asked is, “What will the divorce cost?” I believe that it is one of the most important discussions everyone should have with their attorney and spouse. Getting educated on what type of budget needs to be established for the family that is going through a divorce must be completed. The budget will be driven by what process you and your spouse … [Read more...] about What will my Divorce cost?
Getting good financial advice as part of your divorce process can be one of the most important decisions you make. During this highly emotional time you are making some of the most important financial decisions of your life. High emotions and important financial decisions, a good match??? Not usually. So who do I trust? It depends, but a simple answer is a professional trained in both … [Read more...] about Alphabet Soup of Getting Professional Help with Your Divorce Finances
Is an amicable divorce possible? If so, how is it done? Many want to have an amicable divorce but worry about how to talk about financial concerns, how to file for divorce and how to parent children without starting World War III. Couples are used to arguing about finances and often feel they get stuck in unproductive arguments and that they can’t communicate. Here are five … [Read more...] about Five Things you Need for an Amicable Divorce
What is the story of your marriage and divorce? When speaking with your friends or family, what is the story you tell of your relationship? Are you talking mainly about the arguments or misdeeds, betrayals, disappointments, and losses? Do you focus on the negative experiences and overlook or even deny the positive experiences? Is it possible that you are defending yourself from your own … [Read more...] about Must We Say We Did Not Love? Honor the relationship that ended through a new story and rituals.
Collaborative Divorce: Here’s how a Divorce Coach can help: Dealing with a divorce is often more distressing than people realize, and, there is a process to meet your needs, and the needs of your family; Collaborative Divorce offers clients wrap around services for all phases and stages of the divorce process. With Collaborative Divorce, not only does each spouse have an attorney, each spouse … [Read more...] about How Can A Divorce Coach Help In Your Collaborative Divorce?
How can I be getting divorced after working so hard for marriage equity? You worked for and celebrated joyfully when marriage became legal. It was so emotional. You finally married your love. Now you’ve tried hard, but you are unable to happily stay together. Are you betraying the community? As a therapist, a mediator and a coach in collaborative divorce I have worked with … [Read more...] about The Emotions of an LGBTQ Divorce
What is Disclosure? If you get divorced in California you have to Disclose… period, end of story. What does that mean and is anything different in a Collaborative Divorce? “Disclosure” refers to financial disclosures. What do we have, own, owe and make. It’s an inventory of everything you own (assets), everything you owe (debts), and all of the income for both spouses. … [Read more...] about Financial Disclosures in Collaborative Divorce
Divorce is hard enough for every couple. Knowing what's the same for gay and lesbian couples, and what is different is a key to a good resolution. The good news-- the answers are knowable, and as in most areas, knowledge is power and promotes positive outcomes for all involved. Collaborative Practice (CP) and other consensual resolution processes like mediation allow both spouses in … [Read more...] about 5 Ways Divorce in California is Different for Gay and Lesbian Couples
There are no easy do-overs in divorce. The courts do allow revisiting child support and spousal support in some situations, but wouldn't it be better to do it right the first time? In most couples, one member is more familiar with the finances than the other. This is perfectly normal, but in divorce, both people need to understand the finances to properly divide and manage their money in the … [Read more...] about Avoiding Common Money Mistakes in Your Divorce
You may be asking yourself whether you and your spouse are good candidates for a Collaborative Divorce. The following list of 7 attributes will help you determine whether you and your spouse are good candidates. The more you either one or both of you match these qualities, the better suitable you may be for a Collaborative Divorce. Ability to see the viewpoint of your spouse. Can you put … [Read more...] about Will a Collaborative Divorce Work For Us?
One of our Collaborative Divorce Marin County Professionals recently published an article in Psychology Today. A new approach can improve post-divorce life for the whole family. I want to tell you something important: I know what a bad divorce can be like for a child. My parents continued their warfare for 45 years, until Mom was no longer alive. My 95-year-old dad referred to my mom as … [Read more...] about Is it Possible to Have a “Better Divorce?”
What are the Benefits? What are the Challenges? Thinking about divorce? Know your divorce options. Using the divorce mediation process option provides couples with tools to settle their differences rather than fighting in a court of law. Divorce mediation is facilitated by one or more neutral mediators who help define the issues, encourage out-of-the-box thinking, guide the information … [Read more...] about Divorce Mediation
The anger and other emotions that are usually a part of divorce make it pretty hard to be respectful—Can the Collaborative Divorce Process enable the parties to find some level of respect for each other? There are many metaphors people use to describe going through a divorce–one is the “leaver” and the other is the “leavee;” one is the windshield and the other is the bug; one is the bat … [Read more...] about Does Respect Have a Place in a Divorce?
If you ask any adult how their parents’ divorce affected them as children, you’ll get a sad story, even if it has been many years. It is difficult for children of all ages when their family changes. Occasionally, when the level of conflict has been high, the divorce can come as a relief. More often, though, divorce is experienced by children as extremely stressful, with lots of powerful … [Read more...] about How Does Divorce Impact Children?
The Role of Myths in Assessing Readiness for Collaboration Myth #1: Because there is no Judge in the room to hold the client's accountable, there is a myth that one client can take advantage of the other. Truth: Despite not having a Judge, there are multiple professionals in the room and the primary focus of all of them is accountability. Each party has their own team, including their own … [Read more...] about Unbundling Collaborative Divorce Myths
Divorce is hard, and it is one of the most painful times in anyone’s life. Fear about the future will tend to put your dreams and plans on hold. -That fear though can be reduced if you take control of your divorce by learning more about your divorce options.- A Divorce Options® Workshop is one of the best ways to begin learning what you don’t know about divorce and to help you decide … [Read more...] about Divorce: Raises So Many Questions