Most people do not get married with the expectation that they will someday get divorced. A marriage contains emotional, financial, legal, physical, familial parts and for some also a religious or spiritual aspect. All these elements change in a divorce and it can be an overwhelming process. One of the best options for managing the divorce is to use the Collaborative Divorce process. In a Collaborative Divorce, the goal is to help the couple to separate all the strands that tie them in a kind and constructive way, even as the marriage is de-constructed. Most couples want to create a post-divorce relationship in which co-parenting is not stressful and each have the resources to support a single parent household. Instead of a divorce with animosity and depletion of resources (financial and emotional) a Collaborative Divorce helps the couple move forward into life with a positive attitude.
3 Divorce Survival Tips
- Get emotional support. You need someone you can talk to who will provide you the emotional support you need. It may be a sibling, a good friend, someone who is a good listener and who can be a sounding board. You may need to talk with a therapist. For some the divorce process is the most difficult and for others the day the divorce is finalized is actually the start of dark and hard days. It is okay to need help to get through this.
- Envision your future. Imagine how you want your future to be. What do you want for yourself? You are at a turning point. There may be hard choices you need to make, or perhaps some sacrifices to achieve your goals. What kind of work do you want to do? What kind of parent do you want to be? Are there things you have been putting off that are important to you? Did you lose part of yourself during the marriage that you would like to get back? Envisioning your future enables you to look ahead instead of looking back. Create both short term and long-term goals to begin building your life.
- Keep your divorce private. While you want to have emotional support from a trusted relationship you do not want everyone you know to know the details of your divorce. If you and your spouse can work together to resolve your issues without court intervention, you can keep your financial records out of the public eye. Your decisions about the division of property, child custody, child support, spousal support, and any other issue, remain private. You can do this through the Collaborative Divorce process.
Collaborative Divorce Contributes to Emotional Survival
Even if you are a spouse who does not want a divorce, which can be a really painful time of your life, a Collaborative Divorce helps you separate your emotions from the divorce process. It is a team approach to the divorce and allows you to work with your spouse to resolve your issues in a nonconfrontational way.
In a Collaborative Divorce, you work with professionals who help you make decisions that are in the best interest of the whole family. The collaborative team guides you to make reasonable choices based on the unique needs of your family. You part in an amicable way and re-create a relationship that allows you to co-parent, and co-grandparent when that time comes, without conflict.
Collaborative Divorce California is a non-profit organization representing attorneys, divorce coaches and financial professionals from throughout the state. Members believe that the Collaborative Divorce process is a better option for handling a divorce.