There is no getting around the fact that divorce is a highly emotional process that people respond to in a variety of ways. Some adapt to the stress and changes in their life by taking care of themselves the best they can. Others look for ways to escape the emotional pain and anger through addictions like drugs, food, or work.
Slow Down, Observe Your Emotions
Couples do not need to start the divorce process until the emotions on both sides have settled down a bit. Maybe you think that getting the divorce over quickly will be less painful, but that is not the case with most people. Stop to consider how you make decisions when you feel emotional and upset. Many times, it is not in the same rational manner as when you are level-headed. Rash decisions can end up costing you more money, especially if you agree to a quick settlement just to end the divorce process as quickly as possible. Working through the intense emotions with a therapist can be helpful before beginning the legal side of divorce. People often don’t want to start there, but they can save money and be better off in the long run because of it.
Consider Collaborative Divorce
Seeking a collaborative divorce instead of going through family court allows you and your spouse to go through the process at your own pace. When your divorce goes through family court, you must abide by the judge’s deadlines.However, even when couples agree to a collaborative divorce, they often have different ideas about the timeline of the whole process. We feel it is important to be sensitive to the spouse who wants to move slower and encourage the one who wants to move faster to reign things in a bit.
Divorce coaches support their clients, but their main goal is to arrive at solutions best for the entire family. With divorce being such an emotional process, the ability to sit down with a coach who understands that and can still keep negotiations on track is essential. Even when court cases do not involve high conflict, the process can be traumatic for both the spouses and their children. The collaborative divorce considers the aspects that the legal system does not have time to address. This includes working through difficult emotions like anger, fear, depression, or a sense of betrayal.
Handling Children’s Emotions
If you have children, we will recommend that you talk about emotions surrounding the kids and your parenting plan before moving on to discussing money and other legal matters. Divorcing couples may disagree on just about everything, but most want what is best for their kids. Starting the collaborative process with discussions about the kids often helps the rest of the negotiations proceed more smoothly.
The divorce process is emotional. Bringing in outside parties, such as therapists, and choosing a more amicable divorce process like Collaborative Divorce, can ease those emotions. Being able to process through those emotions for both you and your spouse, as well as your children, will begin to heal your family, and save you money in the long run.
