In California, we’re seeing a growing trend: during or after divorce, one parent considers moving out of state. Sometimes it’s the high cost of living. Sometimes it’s the pull of extended family in another region. Sometimes it’s a new job, or simply the desire for a fresh start. These reasons are real and valid—but for children, a move-away can feel like a second loss. First, the family breaks … [Read more...] about When One Parent Wants to Move Away: Protecting Kids in a Long-Distance Parenting Reality
Children and Divorce
What Do We Tell The Kids About Our Divorce? Part 3
Understandably parents belabor or avoid thinking about or preparing what they are going to tell their kids. So often, parents are just trying to survive the relationship turmoil and it’s tough to find the internal or external space to plan what you are going to tell the kids. Fortunately, much is written about this topic and many experts agree on traps parents should aim to avoid and the … [Read more...] about What Do We Tell The Kids About Our Divorce? Part 3
How Do We Tell The Kids About Our Divorce? – Part 2
It’s taken months or years for you and your partner to decide the next step is divorce. As adults, you’ve had a lot of time to consider and process this change. This is not the case for kids - even if they’ve seen a lot of fighting and know things are rough between their parents. Because your kids are likely in such a different head space than you about the parent problems, one of the best … [Read more...] about How Do We Tell The Kids About Our Divorce? – Part 2
Everything You Need To Know: Talking To The Kids About Your Divorce
What to tell the kids and how to tell the kids are pressing questions on most parents’ minds when it comes to divorce. And for good reason! Your children will remember this moment, how and what they were told, for the rest of their lives. It’s understandable that parents are afraid of their kids’ big emotional reactions in the face of already feeling guilty about the divorce. Parents, … [Read more...] about Everything You Need To Know: Talking To The Kids About Your Divorce
Co-Parenting With Your Calendar: How Annual Coordination of Holidays & Vacations Can Save Money and Stress
Child custody matters can be challenging to navigate, as families adjust to utilizing their regular parenting plan and adjust for important holidays and vacations. In California, it is crucial for parents to be aware of certain key aspects to ensure a smooth co-parenting experience. Here are some valuable insights that may shed light on what you need to know about child custody in … [Read more...] about Co-Parenting With Your Calendar: How Annual Coordination of Holidays & Vacations Can Save Money and Stress
Is a Bad Marriage or Divorce Harder for Children?
When marriage is plagued by intense conflict, it may be more beneficial for the children if the parents choose to separate and divorce rather than staying in an unhappy and tumultuous relationship just “for the sake of the children.” By ending a toxic marriage, parents can strive to create an environment for the children where conflict is minimized and replaced with civility. The more parents … [Read more...] about Is a Bad Marriage or Divorce Harder for Children?
How Will I Ever Be Able To Co-Parent Effectively With My Toxic Ex-Spouse
Coparenting with a toxic ex-spouse can be challenging, but it's not impossible to find ways to navigate the situation effectively for the well-being of your children. Over 30 years of research indicate that that ongoing parental conflict increases children’s risk of psychological and social problems during and after divorce and into adulthood. The higher your conflict, the more likely your … [Read more...] about How Will I Ever Be Able To Co-Parent Effectively With My Toxic Ex-Spouse
How To Develop A Great Parenting Plan
One of the most important parts of a parenting plan is the ‘how’ is the ‘who’ doing the ‘how’. Vanilla or 31 Flavors I wish every family had a chance to preview a vanilla parenting plan common in the courts compared to a carefully crafted parenting plan designed by the parents with the help of the collaborative divorce professionals including a child specialist. Vanilla ice cream is the most … [Read more...] about How To Develop A Great Parenting Plan
How Gray Divorce Affects Family Relationships: Adult Children Can Hurt Too.
When you hear the word “relationship,” what comes to mind? Many of us think about the feelings we associate with romantic partnerships, whether warm and loving or painful and heartbreaking. Yet as Pepperdine University's Dr. Louis Cozolino writes, the field of interpersonal neurobiology understands humans as individuals born into relationships. Through myriad relationships from birth to … [Read more...] about How Gray Divorce Affects Family Relationships: Adult Children Can Hurt Too.
How Can Gray Divorce Affect Middle-Aged Children?
KEY POINTS Middle-aged children of divorcing parents report a wide range of painful feelings and experiences, including worry, irritability, depression, and grief. Parental gray divorce can overwhelm middle-aged children who worry about their parents and feel pulled into alliances with parents, siblings, spouses, and extended family members. Middle-aged children of gray divorce benefit … [Read more...] about How Can Gray Divorce Affect Middle-Aged Children?
Gray Divorce Can Impact Adult Children in Surprising Ways
Key Points: Adult children often continue to view their parents as a unit. When their divorcing parents are 50 and older, called "gray divorce," this unit can rupture and be gone forever. Adult children say they feel the burden of the changing roles, family traditions, and rituals. They must plan vacations and holidays differently. Will they need to schedule two different times to see each … [Read more...] about Gray Divorce Can Impact Adult Children in Surprising Ways
Common Divorce Misconceptions – Mom Always Gets Custody
There was a time, decades ago, when many married women were stay-at-home moms and dads were the ones who went off to work every day, and when, in divorce, there was a preference for awarding custody of the children to the mother. Those days are gone and the idea that moms always get custody is now just a myth. There are many different factors that are considered, and the court does not favor … [Read more...] about Common Divorce Misconceptions – Mom Always Gets Custody
Avoid These Parenting Mistakes During a Divorce
Children of all ages are stressed when their parents get a divorce. It is even more stressful for minor children who feel their own future is uncertain. They don’t know the impact the divorce will have on their own lives. Parents often make mistakes, generally unwittingly, that can make the process more difficult. 6 Mistakes Parents Make During Divorce Some of the most … [Read more...] about Avoid These Parenting Mistakes During a Divorce
Child Custody: The Right of First Refusal
The term “right of first refusal” has its origin in contract law. For example, if a tenant has the right of first refusal, before the owner can sell the property, the tenant must first be given the opportunity to purchase it before the owner can sell it to anyone else. When parents have the right of first refusal in their parenting plan (or if the court orders it), if one parent, during … [Read more...] about Child Custody: The Right of First Refusal
Divorce: What and How to Tell the Children
There is no denying it. Children have a difficult time accepting the fact that their parents are getting a divorce. It is possible to help them through it, so it is less traumatizing. How this works depends on the parents themselves. How Do We Tell the Kids About the Divorce? The # 1 rule is that the parents need to be together when they tell the children about the … [Read more...] about Divorce: What and How to Tell the Children
Summertime Plans and Co-Parenting
Summertime brings about new challenges for divorced parents. When school is no longer in session, the needs of children change. Considerate parents who are flexible and accommodate each other’s needs, can have a better fun filled summer with their children. Allowing one parent an extra week to plan a vacation with their kids is beneficial to all. By putting their interest … [Read more...] about Summertime Plans and Co-Parenting
How Does Divorce Conflict Impact Children?
No matter how polite and civil a couple is to each other during a separation, the divorce proceedings can still have a negative impact on the children. If there is domestic violence involved, and the children have witnessed it, or even witnessed their parents arguing with each other, children naturally become anxious and are concerned about their own welfare. Questions Children Have When … [Read more...] about How Does Divorce Conflict Impact Children?
Who, When, What: 3 Tips for Telling Children About Divorce
The day parents talk to their children about their separation will be a day pressed into the memory of most kids. Most remember vividly where they were in the room, the words that were used, and who was present. That’s why it’s really important to think hard about what you’re going to tell them and when you’re going to tell them. Here are some tips for how to tell your children that … [Read more...] about Who, When, What: 3 Tips for Telling Children About Divorce
What Is a Child Centered Divorce?
When a divorcing couple has children, it is easy for the parents to get so caught up in their own negative emotions that they don’t focus on the needs of the children. As difficult as it might be, both parents need to set aside their own emotions and focus on the well-being of their children. An easy starting point is usually that most parents can agree that they love their children, … [Read more...] about What Is a Child Centered Divorce?
How to be a Co-Parent After Your Divorce
Divorce is one of the most stressful life events. If a couple has children, they will have lifelong contact because of events in the children’s lives even when they are grown. With some guidance, you and your ex can learn co-parenting skills that will improve the emotional future of you and your children. Consider Current Family Culture The first step in learning how to co-parent … [Read more...] about How to be a Co-Parent After Your Divorce
Celebrating The Holidays After Divorce With 5 Parenting Tips For Sanity
The first holiday season after a separation or divorce can be difficult and challenging. Powerful memories can be stirred up about the advantages of the traditional two-parent household. It can also be a time for creativity by establishing new traditions for your household and getting the kids involved. Keeping the Status Quo: If you and the other parent want to attend holiday … [Read more...] about Celebrating The Holidays After Divorce With 5 Parenting Tips For Sanity
Taking a ‘Paws’: Issues to Consider with Pet Custody
The new year brought a lot of changes for divorcing couples in 2019, especially here in California. Not only were major changes made to the tax code concerning spousal support payments, residents across the state of California welcomed Assembly Bill 2274. This bill finally gave judges in our state clear direction when it came to helping divorcing pet owners answer the all-important question: … [Read more...] about Taking a ‘Paws’: Issues to Consider with Pet Custody
Six Common Parenting Mistakes in Divorce
Divorce brings up all sorts of difficult and emotional issues. Parents who are going through a divorce need to be sure that they are guiding their children through the divorce in a way that is appropriate to their age. Here are six mistakes that parents often make during a divorce. 1. Not Giving Children a Blame-Free Narrative Children are very self-oriented, especially at … [Read more...] about Six Common Parenting Mistakes in Divorce
Divorce, Kids and Co-Parenting
A major question when parents’ divorce is how to best provide for theinterests of their children. A parenting plan answers that question and gives parents a structure to work with as they learn the co-parenting skills that will reduce conflict between them and provide their children the stability they need. What is a Co-Parenting Plan? A co-parenting plan is a written document that … [Read more...] about Divorce, Kids and Co-Parenting
13 Tips for Talking with Your Children About Your Separation and Divorce
The following tips will help you prepare to talk with your children about your separation and divorce. You care about doing the best you can for your children because you are reading this article. Give yourself permission not to be perfect. No one is. This is a stressful time for all of you. Remember to keep taking slow, deep breaths --- you and your children will get … [Read more...] about 13 Tips for Talking with Your Children About Your Separation and Divorce
Co-Parenting vs. Parallel Parenting
Co-Parenting—What does that mean? How can I co-parent with someone who has betrayed me? How do you co-parent after a divorce when we couldn’t parent well while we were married? I don’t even want to parent with him/her anymore! You’re getting divorced and your biggest worry is about your children. Chances are this is the one thing you and your spouse agree on. Here is what we … [Read more...] about Co-Parenting vs. Parallel Parenting
Creating a Successful Parenting Plan
A comprehensive co-parenting is best gift you can give your children! Admittedly putting together a solid, child-centered plan can be daunting. Because the best interest of your children will be at the forefront of every decision, the best results will come from working closely with your co-parent on the details. Your plan can be as specific or general as is practical … [Read more...] about Creating a Successful Parenting Plan
VACCINES – THE NEXT PARENTING CHALLENGE
There is new co- parenting issue looming during Corona Virus Pandemic. Do parents agree when and if they vaccinate themselves [parents] and vaccinate the children? The pandemic has already presented some very challenging parenting decisions for families parenting in two households. Parents have had to navigate: The ‘lock downs’,Juggling work and home through school openings and … [Read more...] about VACCINES – THE NEXT PARENTING CHALLENGE
Tips for Telling Your Kids that You Are Getting a Divorce
In Collaborative Divorce, we have the benefit of using a professional team. The team includes mental health professionals and child specialists who provide expertise regarding talking to children about divorce. The mental health professionals serve as divorce coaches for the parties going through the divorce, while the child specialist is a mental health professional specifically … [Read more...] about Tips for Telling Your Kids that You Are Getting a Divorce
Divorce: How Do I Tell My Kids?
January is Child Centered Divorce Awareness Month, so it is the ideal time to discuss how to tell your kids that you are getting a divorce. This is always a difficult thing to do but we have some recommendations to help you through this. Both Parents Should Meet Together with the Children Unless there are issues of domestic violence or child abuse, both parents should meet together … [Read more...] about Divorce: How Do I Tell My Kids?
January 2021 is the 14th Anniversary of January as the International Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month
Children are like wet cement. Everything that falls on them leaves an impression. ~ Dr. Haim Ginott, World Acclaimed Child Psychologist Historically, more divorce filings occur in January than in any other month, with a New Year’s resolution to “start a new life,” which is why January is the International Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month. It is a month dedicated to … [Read more...] about January 2021 is the 14th Anniversary of January as the International Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month
A Child Custody Order or a Mutually Created Co-parenting Plan: Which Is Best
During a divorce, many parents fight about what courts call “child custody.” If you ask the average person, who isn’t going through or hasn’t gone through a divorce, to define the word “custody,” the first definition is usually something like “where people go when they are suspects of a crime or convicted of a crime, like in jail or prison.” Why is a word with this most common meaning associated … [Read more...] about A Child Custody Order or a Mutually Created Co-parenting Plan: Which Is Best
Understanding How Divorce Impacts Children
There is no way to keep your divorce from having an impact on your children. All research shows that divorce is hard for them. However, the level of conflict they experience during and after the divorce period is the greatest indicator of the immediate impact on them and to their later successes in life. This includes their future socialization, their future achievements in … [Read more...] about Understanding How Divorce Impacts Children
Co-Parenting After Divorce
Divorce is not easy for anyone. If a divorce is necessary, Collaborative Divorce is probably best for all involved, particularly when there are children. You want to make this as easy of a transition for your child as possible. The Collaborative Divorce process is always designed to keep the best interests of the child in mind. A key benefit is that the process supports … [Read more...] about Co-Parenting After Divorce
Helping Children Weather This Pandemic
During this time of social isolation and anxiety, children experiencing their parent’s divorce have an added level of stress. Collaborative Coach JoAnn Rodrigues, LMFT, along with colleagues John Osborne, LCSW and Chandler Hoffman, PhD., want to share some insight and suggestions to parents that can help their children manage emotionally. Please note that the following information does … [Read more...] about Helping Children Weather This Pandemic
Co-Parenting in California during the COVID-19 Pandemic: Challenges and Opportunities
California co-parents and their children are living in unfamiliar territory, that can cause unprecedented stress for all family members. Parents working from home are feeling unprepared for their virtual work life, while trying to manage their non-school age children and assist their older children with online school instruction and homework. For some shelter-at-home orders are interfering … [Read more...] about Co-Parenting in California during the COVID-19 Pandemic: Challenges and Opportunities
What Is A Child Centered Divorce?
A child is without question the most valuable and precious thing that can result from marriage. A child is far more important than any tangible possession. Yet, divorce can be messy, heart wrenching, and emotional, and a child is sometimes treated as an afterthought of the situation. All too often, parents choose to get a divorce, battle through legal ties and financial dissection, and … [Read more...] about What Is A Child Centered Divorce?
Children, Divorce and Money
In a traditional divorce, parents are often battling between themselves about how to take care of the children, both financially and emotionally, when the family is no longer living together in one household. One of our goals with our clients is to assist them with a post-divorce budget that is related to the children in ways that decreases the contention in a divorce and puts the focus on … [Read more...] about Children, Divorce and Money
Children the Wealth of Family
Often married adults include as one of their New Year’s resolutions that they are going to “start a new life” by filing for divorce. For this reason, there is an increase in divorce filings in January. This is why January is National Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month. When parents file for divorce, how does it affect their children? It depends. For decades, the … [Read more...] about Children the Wealth of Family
Child-Centered Divorce: How to Focus On the Children’s Needs
Divorce is never easy on anyone but can be especially difficult for children involved. To allow the process and transition to be as smooth as possible for children, using the framework of a Child-Centered Divorce can provide the best results. In a Child-Center Divorce, the divorce process is focused on the best situation and circumstances for the couple’s children while leaving the … [Read more...] about Child-Centered Divorce: How to Focus On the Children’s Needs
Children and Divorce
The research is crystal clear — children of divorce fare much better when parents are able to protect them from the adults’ conflict. They do this by making a conscious choice to prioritize their children’s interests, control their urge to fight, and work as a team. This does not mean that you give in to the other parent on everything to avoid a fight or give up your rights. But it … [Read more...] about Children and Divorce
You Have Chosen to Divorce: Are Your Adult Children Too Old to Hurt?
The effect of divorce on minor children has been a hot topic for decades. But divorce can also significantly impact adult children whose parents are divorcing. These adult children report many of the same feelings and experiences. “My friends at college say I should be glad they didn’t divorce when I was younger because that would have been a lot worse. It’s like they expect me … [Read more...] about You Have Chosen to Divorce: Are Your Adult Children Too Old to Hurt?
How Does Divorce Impact Children?
If you ask any adult how their parents’ divorce affected them as children, you’ll get a sad story, even if it has been many years. It is difficult for children of all ages when their family changes. Occasionally, when the level of conflict has been high, the divorce can come as a relief. More often, though, divorce is experienced by children as extremely stressful, with lots of … [Read more...] about How Does Divorce Impact Children?