I was shocked when my husband of thirty years told me that he wanted a divorce. In retrospect, there were a few warning signs. But I had come to a place of acceptance about my admittedly not perfect marriage and was attached to my husband and our life together. So, when he said that he didn’t love me, and hadn’t for a long time, I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. I work as a Marriage … [Read more...] about Transformational Divorce
The American Association of Retired Persons coined the term “gray divorce” in 2004 when it published a study about divorce at midlife and beyond. In 2012, researchers at Bowling Green State University named this phenomenon the “gray divorce revolution.” Their study found the divorce rate for the U.S. population over 50 doubled in those two decades and more than doubled for those over 65. Since … [Read more...] about What Is Gray Divorce? Couples Over 50 Are Divorcing in Record Numbers
Divorce is a complicated process because while it is a legal process it is also an emotional process, and it is a financial process. One of the main benefits of Collaborative Divorce is that it involves a team approach - a team of professionals to guide you through the legal, emotional, and financial aspects of your divorce. Collaborative Divorce - Emotional Benefits For most … [Read more...] about The Benefits of Collaborative Divorce vs Other Options
Not all divorces need to be long, drawn-out litigious experiences, with both parties fighting it out in court over assets and time with the children. Rather, more and more spouses are turning to collaborative divorce as a way to come to agreements on everything from property division to child custody. In the most basic of terms, with collaborative divorce, each spouse retains his or her own … [Read more...] about 5 Things To Know About Collaborative Divorce In California
"It takes a village to raise a child" is an African proverb that means that an entire community of people must interact with children for those children to experience and grow in a safe and healthy environment. We have many villages throughout our lives. There is our village through school--including parents, teachers, and friends; a village through our career--mentors, networking … [Read more...] about It Takes a Village to Get Through a Divorce
People choose Collaborative Divorce over traditional litigation when they want the divorce to be more amicable. The hallmark of a Collaborative Divorce is honesty. Both spouses are expected to provide full disclosure about all assets, both those known to be community property and those that they claim are separate property. In rare cases during the collaborative process, one party discovers … [Read more...] about Dealing with Hidden Assets in a Collaborative Divorce
There are many benefits to a Collaborative Divorce particularly when compared to the traditional litigated divorce. Privacy and confidentially are examples of how collaboration is in the best interest of the couple and of their children. What is Public Information in a Traditional Divorce Case? Disclosure of income. In a litigated divorce, documents regarding your … [Read more...] about Divorce: Keeping it Private
Collaborative Divorce is a process that puts you in charge of your divorce. In the traditional adversarial divorce process, the judge makes the final decisions. In a Collaborative case, you and your spouse make the decisions that are best suited for you and your family. Through Collaborative, we form a team of professionals who are trained in their specific area to help … [Read more...] about Benefits of Using the Collaborative Divorce Process
Anxiety and divorce, it’s even worse in the time of COVID-19. Anxiety is one of the most common feelings in divorce. There are so many unknowns. Where will I live? Will I have enough money? Will the kids be ok? Will I be alone forever? How will I parent alone? Am I still lovable? Am I losing my mind? I can’t function at work? How will this all work? These seemingly countless unknowns lead to … [Read more...] about The Divorce Coach: Collaborative Divorce’s Secret Weapon in the Time of COVID-19 and Beyond
Most people getting a divorce have never been through the divorce process. Naturally, there is a fear of the unknown because it is difficult to know what to expect. As the client, you are in uncharted waters and unfamiliar territory. It is difficult to know what your life post-divorce is going to look like. Fear should be managed because it impacts decision making. Fear and anxiety … [Read more...] about How Does Fear Impact a Divorce?
The phrase “in these difficult times” has become a cliché in the months since the Coronavirus or Covid-19 virus changed the world. So much has been put on hold – even the courts have been closed -- you may have assumed you won’t be able to start divorce proceedings. Even after the courts re-open, you may prefer to continue social distancing as much as you can until there is a vaccine or treatment. … [Read more...] about Can You Get A Collaborative Divorce During the Coronavirus Crisis?
The pandemic of COVID-19 has swept us up and dramatically changed the way we live in just a matter of weeks. Our existence has become restricted, regulated, and different than we’ve ever known. We have all become isolated in our own homes. The freedom to come and go as we wish has been greatly altered. We cannot go to restaurants, to our offices and work sites, and to many public places. We … [Read more...] about Does COVID-19 Pandemic Cause Divorce?
Facing a divorce isn't easy, and you probably have a lot of different concerns. One of those concerns is certainly the cost of getting a divorce. And with good reason — Business Insider reports that the average divorce in the United States today costs a whopping $15,000. That said, there are a lot of different factors at play, and your own divorce could end up costing well under the average … [Read more...] about What is the Real Cost of Divorce?
Many people wrongly assume that their divorce is confidential. Did you know that all documents filed with the court are part of the public record? Clients are often surprised to learn that everything housed in the court's records is accessible to anyone. This means anyone can go to the courthouse, pull your file, and photocopy or photograph any of the court documents. What Kind of … [Read more...] about Can A Divorce Be Confidential?
How to manage COVID-19 stress on top of divorce stress Perhaps you have decided to divorce or are in the initial stages of separation. Or perhaps you have already separated, and you and your ex are sharing time with your children. Suddenly, you are blindsided by the pandemic. On top of all the stress of the divorce, now we have the stress of the quarantine. What should … [Read more...] about Caught by the Coronavirus Crisis During Your Divorce?
A child is without question the most valuable and precious thing that can result from marriage. A child is far more important than any tangible possession. Yet, divorce can be messy, heart wrenching, and emotional, and a child is sometimes treated as an afterthought of the situation. All too often, parents choose to get a divorce, battle through legal ties and financial dissection, and then … [Read more...] about What Is A Child Centered Divorce?
According to an article in the New York Times from January 4, 2020, many lawyers see in increase in divorce filings in January after the holidays. Filing for divorce in a new year may be one of those New Year’s resolutions. “That will be the last time I suffer through another New Year’s Eve with [fill in the blank]!” According to the article, people “tend to face the holidays with … [Read more...] about Is January the Most Common Month for Couples to Split Up?
Divorce is never easy on anyone but can be especially difficult for children involved. To allow the process and transition to be as smooth as possible for children, using the framework of a Child-Centered Divorce can provide the best results. In a Child-Center Divorce, the divorce process is focused on the best situation and circumstances for … [Read more...] about Child-Centered Divorce: How to Focus On the Children’s Needs
The research is crystal clear -- children of divorce fare much better when parents are able to protect them from the adults’ conflict. They do this by making a conscious choice to prioritize their children’s interests, control their urge to fight, and work as a team. This does not mean that you give in to the other parent on everything to avoid a fight or give up your rights. But it … [Read more...] about Children and Divorce
Marriage Story is an Academy Award nominated movie produced by Netflix about the marriage and divorce of a young couple. Scarlett Johansson plays Nicole and Adam Driver plays Charlie, the parents of Henry, who are navigating the difficult waters of the end of their marriage. The movie is a remarkable and compassionate representation of a couple who still has love for each other but … [Read more...] about Avoid the divorce in “Marriage Story” with a Collaborative Divorce
For you, the decision to divorce differently may be a wise one. You may have heard horror stories about your friend or family member’s divorce. That there was a battle lasting for years; that they came out of it with relationships damaged and worse than when they started; that it was rough on the kids. That untold sums of money were spent fighting. You may have decided that you want to … [Read more...] about Collaborative Divorce or Mediation: Which is Best for My Divorce?
Divorce is costly, in more ways than just money. Generally speaking, the higher the conflict and the more broken the communication and trust, the more expensive your divorce will be. But, with a little planning there are ways you can reduce the overall “cost” of your divorce. There are 5 main cost factors in a divorce: Family and relationships: the impact on your children, extended family … [Read more...] about Top 5 ways Collaborative Divorce can save on Divorce Costs
You’re not alone. After hearing all the legendary horror stories, you know you don’t want one of your own. You wonder: Will the divorce hurt my children?Will I be wiped out financially?Will I be able to have a decent home? Will I ever be able to retire?Will I be able to handle the anger, grief, and uncertainty? Will it be an ugly, expensive battle? Well, there is no magic wand, … [Read more...] about Are You Afraid To Get a Divorce?
Making the life changing decision to divorce is often overwhelming. There are many things to consider, such as how the children will be affected and how you will restructure your family moving forward. Making the decision on how to accomplish your divorce can be as important as the decision to divorce itself. Collaborative divorce can help couples move more quickly through the divorce … [Read more...] about What are 3 Collaborative Divorce Myths?
Here is a summary overview of the divorce process in California. There are certain things that have to be done in every single divorce case, no matter how amicable or how contentious you and your spouse are: File the divorce Petition. The divorce Petition is filed in the county where one of you has lived for at least the last 3 months.“Serve” a copy of the Petition on the other spouse … [Read more...] about How Do I Get a Divorce in California?
The effect of divorce on minor children has been a hot topic for decades. But divorce can also significantly impact adult children whose parents are divorcing. These adult children report many of the same feelings and experiences. “My friends at college say I should be glad they didn’t divorce when I was younger because that would have been a lot worse. It’s like they expect me to just ‘get … [Read more...] about You Have Chosen to Divorce: Are Your Adult Children Too Old to Hurt?
Recently, I read an article on the internet titled “How Much Is Child Support In Your State?" taken from the website CustodyXChange.com”. Did you know that every state in the USA has its own law and mathematical formula as to how to calculate child support in its family law courts and that the use of the statewide child support calculator is mandatory if the parents go to court and … [Read more...] about The Advantage of Child Support Calculation Through the Collaborative Divorce Process
As a family law attorney, what sets me apart from other lawyers? Well, I like to think that it is my compassion, kindness, and the fact that I really care about my clients. I want to help each person transform their life and finish their divorce stronger than when they began. So many couples don’t know that they have a choice, and that they don’t have to slug it out in … [Read more...] about Why I Prefer to Assist Couples Peacefully Through Divorce
You have made the life-changing decision to divorce your spouse. Your next decision may impact your life going forward almost as much: “How will I get divorced?” You have three process choices: litigation, mediation and collaborative divorce. Here are my seven best reasons to choose a collaborative divorce. 1. Collaborative divorce keeps you out of court. The distinctive … [Read more...] about Seven Reasons to do a Collaborative Divorce
Divorcing spouses who own a business have an option for a goal-oriented, amicable process: Collaborative Divorce. This process promotes cooperation and partnership instead of a public and potentially destructive litigation procedure. It provides solutions for the couple and the business that aren't available if the courts become involved. Collaborative Divorce Is a Shared … [Read more...] about The Benefits of Collaborative Divorce for Small Business Owners
If you’re reading this blog, you have a lot on your mind. You’re considering divorce. You want a lawyer to help you through, but you also hope to save time and money. You may think you don’t have that option but consider collaborative divorce. Collaborative divorce is a no-court divorce option where collaboratively trained lawyers and other professionals help you and your spouse … [Read more...] about Three Ways Collaborative Divorce Can Save You Time and Money
Divorce lawyers have a saying that they help good people on their worst day. To get you through your worst day you need legal support from someone you trust. You also need to be sure you choose the right process. If an attorney is not trained in collaborative divorce, then you have already ruled out one positive path for completing your divorce just by selecting that untrained … [Read more...] about How to Choose a Divorce Lawyer
According to Research from the University of Washington, the number of divorce filings in a number of states consistently peaks in the months of August and March. What’s behind the monthly up-tick? Several factors could be at play. Spouses may decide to file for divorce in August, following the family vacation and before the kids start school. But what explains the spike in March, several … [Read more...] about It’s the Season for a (Collaborative) Divorce
There is a discouraging lack of civility and professionalism among litigation attorneys which has tarnished the legal community for the past 30 years as set forth in a recent California Court of Appeal decision. The case of Lasalle v. Vogel, G055381 (2019) is a legal malpractice action, wherein the Court of Appeal noted thirty years ago, in 1989, that attorneys are ‘officers of the court’ and … [Read more...] about Embracing the Professionalism of Collaborative Divorce Lawyers
If you’re over 50 and getting a divorce, you are not alone. The “Gray Divorce” phenomena refers to the increasing number of people who divorce later in life. Twenty years ago, 10% of divorces involved people over 50. Today, that number is up to 25% per Dr. Susan Brown, Bowling Green State University sociology professor and co-author of The Gray Divorce Revolution. There’s less social … [Read more...] about Gray Divorce: Over 50 and Getting a Divorce, Now What?
The financial professional in a collaborative divorce plays a critical role. There are two financial professional roles and they are distinct, the Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, CDFA® and the Divorce Forensic CPA. This blog will address the role of the CDFA®. A future blog will talk about the role of the Divorce Forensic CPA. The Certified Divorce Financial Analyst – … [Read more...] about The Role of the Financial Professional in A Collaborative Divorce
Collaborative Divorce: Here’s how a Divorce Coach can help: Dealing with a divorce is often more distressing than people realize, and, there is a process to meet your needs, and the needs of your family; Collaborative Divorce offers clients wrap around services for all phases and stages of the divorce process. With Collaborative Divorce, not only does each spouse have an attorney, each spouse … [Read more...] about How Can A Divorce Coach Help In Your Collaborative Divorce?
What is Disclosure? If you get divorced in California you have to Disclose…period, end of story. What does that mean and is anything different in a Collaborative Divorce? “Disclosure” refers to financial disclosures. What do we have, own, owe and make. It’s an inventory of everything you own (assets), everything you owe (debts), and all of the income for both spouses. … [Read more...] about Financial Disclosures in Collaborative Divorce
There are no easy do-overs in divorce. The courts do allow revisiting child support and spousal support in some situations, but wouldn't it be better to do it right the first time? In most couples, one member is more familiar with the finances than the other. This is perfectly normal, but in divorce, both people need to understand the finances to properly divide and manage their money in the … [Read more...] about Avoiding Common Money Mistakes in Your Divorce
You may be asking yourself whether you and your spouse are good candidates for a Collaborative Divorce. The following list of 7 attributes will help you determine whether you and your spouse are good candidates. The more you either one or both of you match these qualities, the better suitable you may be for a Collaborative Divorce. Ability to see the viewpoint of your spouse. Can you put … [Read more...] about Will a Collaborative Divorce Work For Us?
One of our Collaborative Divorce Marin County Professionals recently published an article in Psychology Today. A new approach can improve post-divorce life for the whole family. I want to tell you something important: I know what a bad divorce can be like for a child. My parents continued their warfare for 45 years, until Mom was no longer alive. My 95-year-old dad referred to my mom as … [Read more...] about Is it Possible to Have a “Better Divorce?”
The anger and other emotions that are usually a part of divorce make it pretty hard to be respectful—Can the Collaborative Divorce Process enable the parties to find some level of respect for each other? There are many metaphors people use to describe going through a divorce–one is the “leaver” and the other is the “leavee;” one is the windshield and the other is the bug; one is the bat … [Read more...] about Does Respect Have a Place in a Divorce?
The Role of Myths in Assessing Readiness for Collaboration Myth #1: Because there is no Judge in the room to hold the client's accountable, there is a myth that one client can take advantage of the other. Truth: Despite not having a Judge, there are multiple professionals in the room and the primary focus of all of them is accountability. Each party has their own team, including their own … [Read more...] about Unbundling Collaborative Divorce Myths