If you’re reading this blog, you have a lot on your mind. You’re considering divorce. You want a lawyer to help you through, but you also hope to save time and money. You may think you don’t have that option but consider collaborative divorce. Collaborative divorce is a no-court divorce option where collaboratively trained lawyers and other professionals help you and … [Read more...] about Three Ways Collaborative Divorce Can Save You Time and Money
Stephen Covey’s seminal book on productivity and personal transformation, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, has a lot to teach us in how to be effective at moving through divorce. Here is an introduction: Habit 1 – Be Proactive. Take responsibility for your own experience. Do not place responsibility for your experience in the hands of your spouse or the attorneys (or, God … [Read more...] about The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Clients in Divorce
Yes, no matter what process you choose for your divorce, the California Courts require full financial disclosure of all income, assets, and expenses. Honestly, I think this is an important requirement even though it can be difficult and cumbersome. In mediation or collaboration where both parties are working together the financial disclosure process can be less complicated because there is … [Read more...] about Financial Disclosures during my Divorce, really? Do I have to?
Divorce lawyers have a saying that they help good people on their worst day. To get you through your worst day you need legal support from someone you trust. You also need to be sure you choose the right process. If an attorney is not trained in collaborative divorce, then you have already ruled out one positive path for completing your divorce just by selecting that untrained attorney. … [Read more...] about How To Choose a Divorce Lawyer.
According to Research from the University of Washington, the number of divorce filings in a number of states consistently peaks in the months of August and March. What’s behind the monthly up-tick? Several factors could be at play. Spouses may decide to file for divorce in August, following the family vacation and before the kids start school. But what explains the spike in March, several … [Read more...] about It’s the Season for a (Collaborative) Divorce
One of the most common questions I get asked is, “What will the divorce cost?” I believe that it is one of the most important discussions everyone should have with their attorney and spouse. Getting educated on what type of budget needs to be established for the family that is going through a divorce must be completed. The budget will be driven by what process you and your spouse … [Read more...] about What will my Divorce cost?
Couples divorcing are representing themselves or relying on information from the internet or a self-help center to guide them. Having practiced family law in Northern and Southern California counties for 38 years, I’ve watched the practice of family law evolve. It used to be that most couples seeking divorce or legal separation had lawyers to represent each spouse, or at least one lawyer … [Read more...] about Self-Help is Not the Best Remedy When it Comes to Divorce
There is a discouraging lack of civility and professionalism among litigation attorneys which has tarnished the legal community for the past 30 years as set forth in a recent California Court of Appeal decision. The case of Lasalle v. Vogel, G055381 (2019) is a legal malpractice action, wherein the Court of Appeal noted thirty years ago, in 1989, that attorneys are ‘officers of the court’ and … [Read more...] about Embracing the Professionalism of Collaborative Divorce Lawyers
Getting good financial advice as part of your divorce process can be one of the most important decisions you make. During this highly emotional time you are making some of the most important financial decisions of your life. High emotions and important financial decisions, a good match??? Not usually. So who do I trust? It depends, but a simple answer is a professional trained in both … [Read more...] about Alphabet Soup of Getting Professional Help with Your Divorce Finances
If you’re over 50 and getting a divorce, you are not alone. The “Gray Divorce” phenomena refers to the increasing number of people who divorce later in life. Twenty years ago, 10% of divorces involved people over 50. Today, that number is up to 25% per Dr. Susan Brown, Bowling Green State University sociology professor and co-author of The Gray Divorce Revolution. There’s less social … [Read more...] about Gray Divorce: Over 50 and Getting a Divorce, Now What?
There is no bright line test when choosing between Divorce Mediation or Collaborative Divorce. However, examining the following six factors will be helpful in making a good decision: 1. How important to you is having a “good divorce?” The primary difference between Divorce Mediation and Collaborative Divorce is the level of support you will get while negotiating. Collaborative Divorce … [Read more...] about Divorce Mediation or Collaborative Divorce: Six Factors to Consider When Deciding Which Process is Right for You
Collaborative Practice utilizes a team approach to the divorce process. As a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), I want to share with you how I see tremendous value in a team approach to asset division. The typical litigation model using a divorce attorney includes a listing of your assets and a “reasonably fair” division worked out by the … [Read more...] about The Benefits of a Collaborative Approach in Division of Assets and Debts
Is an amicable divorce possible? If so, how is it done? Many want to have an amicable divorce but worry about how to talk about financial concerns, how to file for divorce and how to parent children without starting World War III. Couples are used to arguing about finances and often feel they get stuck in unproductive arguments and that they can’t communicate. Here are … [Read more...] about Five Things you Need for an Amicable Divorce
What is the story of your marriage and divorce? When speaking with your friends or family, what is the story you tell of your relationship? Are you talking mainly about the arguments or misdeeds, betrayals, disappointments, and losses? Do you focus on the negative experiences and overlook or even deny the positive experiences? Is it possible that you are defending yourself from your … [Read more...] about Must We Say We Did Not Love? Honor the relationship that ended through a new story and rituals.
The financial professional in a collaborative divorce plays a critical role. There are two financial professional roles and they are distinct, the Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, CDFA® and the Divorce Forensic CPA. This blog will address the role of the CDFA®. A future blog will talk about the role of the Divorce Forensic CPA. The Certified Divorce Financial Analyst – CDFA® … [Read more...] about The Role of the Financial Professional in A Collaborative Divorce
Collaborative Divorce: Here’s how a Divorce Coach can help: Dealing with a divorce is often more distressing than people realize, and, there is a process to meet your needs, and the needs of your family; Collaborative Divorce offers clients wrap around services for all phases and stages of the divorce process. With Collaborative Divorce, not only does each spouse have an attorney, each spouse … [Read more...] about How Can A Divorce Coach Help In Your Collaborative Divorce?
How can I be getting divorced after working so hard for marriage equity? You worked for and celebrated joyfully when marriage became legal. It was so emotional. You finally married your love. Now you’ve tried hard, but you are unable to happily stay together. Are you betraying the community? As a therapist, a mediator and a coach in collaborative divorce I have worked with … [Read more...] about The Emotions of an LGBTQ Divorce
What is Disclosure? If you get divorced in California you have to Disclose…period, end of story. What does that mean and is anything different in a Collaborative Divorce? “Disclosure” refers to financial disclosures. What do we have, own, owe and make. It’s an inventory of everything you own (assets), everything you owe (debts), and all of the income for both spouses. … [Read more...] about Financial Disclosures in Collaborative Divorce
Divorce is hard enough for every couple. Knowing what's the same for gay and lesbian couples, and what is different is a key to a good resolution. The good news-- the answers are knowable, and as in most areas, knowledge is power and promotes positive outcomes for all involved. Collaborative Practice (CP) and other consensual resolution processes like mediation allow both spouses … [Read more...] about 5 Ways Divorce in California is Different for Gay and Lesbian Couples
There are no easy do-overs in divorce. The courts do allow revisiting child support and spousal support in some situations, but wouldn't it be better to do it right the first time? In most couples, one member is more familiar with the finances than the other. This is perfectly normal, but in divorce, both people need to understand the finances to properly divide and manage their money in the … [Read more...] about Avoiding Common Money Mistakes in Your Divorce
You may be asking yourself whether you and your spouse are good candidates for a Collaborative Divorce. The following list of 7 attributes will help you determine whether you and your spouse are good candidates. The more you either one or both of you match these qualities, the better suitable you may be for a Collaborative Divorce. Ability to see the viewpoint of your spouse. Can you put … [Read more...] about Will a Collaborative Divorce Work For Us?
One of our Collaborative Divorce Marin County Professionals recently published an article in Psychology Today. A new approach can improve post-divorce life for the whole family. I want to tell you something important: I know what a bad divorce can be like for a child. My parents continued their warfare for 45 years, until Mom was no longer alive. My 95-year-old dad referred to my mom … [Read more...] about Is it Possible to Have a “Better Divorce?”
What are the Benefits? What are the Challenges? Thinking about divorce? Know your divorce options. Using the divorce mediation process option provides couples with tools to settle their differences rather than fighting in a court of law. Divorce mediation is facilitated by one or more neutral mediators who help define the issues, encourage out-of-the-box thinking, guide the … [Read more...] about Divorce Mediation
The anger and other emotions that are usually a part of divorce make it pretty hard to be respectful—Can the Collaborative Divorce Process enable the parties to find some level of respect for each other? There are many metaphors people use to describe going through a divorce–one is the “leaver” and the other is the “leavee;” one is the windshield and the other is the bug; one is the bat … [Read more...] about Does Respect Have a Place in a Divorce?
If you ask any adult how their parents’ divorce affected them as children, you’ll get a sad story, even if it has been many years. It is difficult for children of all ages when their family changes. Occasionally, when the level of conflict has been high, the divorce can come as a relief. More often, though, divorce is experienced by children as extremely stressful, with lots of powerful … [Read more...] about How Does Divorce Impact Children?
The Role of Myths in Assessing Readiness for Collaboration Myth #1: Because there is no Judge in the room to hold the client's accountable, there is a myth that one client can take advantage of the other. Truth: Despite not having a Judge, there are multiple professionals in the room and the primary focus of all of them is accountability. Each party has their own team, including their … [Read more...] about Unbundling Collaborative Divorce Myths
Divorce is hard, and it is one of the most painful times in anyone’s life. Fear about the future will tend to put your dreams and plans on hold. -That fear though can be reduced if you take control of your divorce by learning more about your divorce options.- A Divorce Options Workshop is one of the best ways to begin learning what you don’t know about divorce and to help you decide … [Read more...] about Divorce: Raises So Many Questions