Collaborative Divorce: Here’s how a Divorce Coach can help:
Dealing with a divorce is often more distressing than people realize, and, there is a process to meet your needs, and the needs of your family; Collaborative Divorce offers clients wrap around services for all phases and stages of the divorce process. With Collaborative Divorce, not only does each spouse have an attorney, each spouse also works with a Divorce Coach. Your Divorce Coach will assist you with difficult emotions, communication and co-parenting with your soon to be ex-spouse. The process includes a neutral Divorce Financial Analyst who runs team meetings and has an in-depth understanding of your financial picture.
When children are involved the team also includes a Child Specialist, also a neutral team member, who acts as an advocate and voice of the child. All of this happens out of Court. Divorce is a lot. It is legal. It is financial. It is emotional. Our emotions can derail the process and we can work against our own best interest. Your Divorce Coach knows that and can keep you focused on your end goals.
Your Feelings Matter
No matter the circumstances of your divorce, it can be stressful and even traumatic.
Your emotions are likely to be all over the place.
After all, it’s not easy to manage your emotions when you’re in a state of distress.
Thankfully, it is possible to handle the distressing emotions of divorce. Being able to do so can help you feel a lot better and help with making decisions.
But it takes practice… and effort, and your Divorce Coach will be with you through the process.
It all starts with being able to identify your thoughts and feelings. Then, you can learn the skills necessary to keep them under control and even change them into something more positive. This will benefit you as you negotiate your divorce, with the support of your team.
Here are some ways to get started, and some things your Divorce Coach may suggest for you:
The distress of divorce usually comes in waves. We may feel fine about the process one day, but something might trigger us the next day that sends us down into a spiral of negative emotions.
The problem with giving into our feelings right away is that it often causes us to react quickly. Unfortunately, these reactions usually happen without thinking and may cause us to do or say something we’ll later regret.
One way to keep your emotions from controlling you is to give yourself time before reacting to them. Breathe, and take five minutes or so to focus on that breathing and what you’re really feeling. You’ll start to feel calmer, and the heaviness of the emotion will start to lose its power.
Understand What Triggers You
Speaking of different triggers that bring up emotions, it’s necessary to understand what those actually are.
For example, you may start to feel angry when you see your soon to be ex-spouse. Or maybe you feel anxious when they talk to you about your children. Everyone has different triggers, and they can affect you in multiple ways.
Having a deeper understanding of your triggers can help you to recognize when they’re coming and how they impact you. As a result, you can better prepare yourself for the emotions that may start to arise within you at any given time.
Change Emotions with Opposite Action
The idea of “Opposite Action” was introduced by Marsha Linehan, Ph.D. While the basis of opposite action might seem strange at first, it can be one of the best ways to change the emotions you really want to change.
Opposite action, as the expression indicates, means to behave in ways that are opposite of what your emotions may be telling you to do.
Every emotion has an action that goes along with it. And changing the actions that go along with your negative emotions can make a big difference and can help you in the long run.
Obviously, this is something that takes time and practice. Thankfully, you don’t have to learn these skills on your own.
Your End Goals
Managing difficult emotions allows you to stay in control of your divorce and the process- your Divorce Coach supports your efforts and your end goals. In Collaborative, we like to say that you have to put on your own oxygen mask first before you can be there for others. You will want to be in your best state of mind when negotiating and when making life changing decisions. For more information about the benefits of Collaborative Divorce please visit: www.DivorceCounselingCenter.com.
